I am a 15 year old male that only wants to be cared for and loved... I want bed time storys still and i want people to make sure i'm still eating and drinking water... Basically i want to be mothered...
I have my reasons why i want to be cared for... Is there anything i can do to get this? So i can get love and respect and hugs and maybe a kiss on the cheek just once? =(.
I'm mentally like a 11 year old but am 15(turning 16) years old. I still sleep with a teddy bear thats named Hopster and Rabbit. Actually i'm not even sure why i'm writing this to be honest. I guess i just want to hear what you all have to say???
Okay, i'm not sure if this helps but in 2006 five days after my birthday on July the 13th i apperantly was running on a wooden rail and fell off and hit my head on the ground? All i remember was going to sleep and waking up on the school ground to find my arm snapped in half =(. The doctor said i have amnesia but only should be tempo... But... I honestly remember nothing about my child hood really... I have been remembering a few things over the past 3 years but its still not enough... I want a child hood so badly... I guess i try to relive it? Please help =(.
Also, i have alot of depression problems... Because my famiy is just... Well i'm a vegan and a buddhist and its just tough... My mum buys hardly any vegetables and half the time i starve and eat hardly anything and i feel very sick all the time... I know people have alot worse then me... But i am a very weak gentle soul... If someone swears at me i'll be crying for hours about it... Its true when my mum says i'm a ****ing wanker and that i'll never survive in this world cause i take insults too seriously v_v. But i can't help it ='(. I just can't... And then i have my mum forcing me to get a life since 06 and when i finally go get one and everything she trys to tear my life away by moving away... Its like, "You gave me a life and now your going to rip it away from me?!" ='(
I just can't handle it... I lost so many friends... My dad left my mum around the time my mum had a heart attack... She nearly died.... He strangled her infront of my eyes while i had my broken arm!(Yes this was in 2006 when it happened) i was crying so much... I even had my sister die in a horrible death and my grand mother... There was this boy i looked up to when i was about 7 and he did something horrible to my grandmother... You may read the news if you like about my grandmother... Now my nanna wrote this so yeah...
http://blogs.news.com.au/news/crime/index.php/news/comments/how_my_mum_died/
I just couldn't belive it... People said once i found out my grandmother died and by that 15 year old boy i looked up to. I was never the same again... I went weird... I can deffintly remember this and i'll never forget it... ='(.
I've been hurt so many times in so many ways... I feel really ill right now and i sleep most of the time in my day...
I also had a problem in year 2007... At school i was ***ually assaulted by 3 boys... And i really didn't like it ='(. And whats worse is when i told the teachers... It was like it wasn't a big deal... Then i have this 19 year old petifiler trying to make me do ***ual things over the internet... She goes on mic with me and makes moaning sounds and says, "Harder, Deeper" And it really disturbs me ='(. My mind says no but my body says yes??? I''m so confused ='(.
I'm lost, confused, scared and depressed in this world... ='(. All i know is sex is just something thats suppose to be evil and dirty... I mean i heard what those girls said on tv, "All males are the same" v_v
It really offends me and crushes me ='(. I just can't handle it... No matter how hard i've tried... Now matter how much i've resisted touching that knife and cutting myself or drinking alot of alcohol... Does it really matter? I might aswell just cut myself right now and get drunk... I know people care about me and thats why i pretend i'm not depressed... I just pretend to be happy around everyone... I give away cup cakes and all that and always smile and give hugs and all that and try to be caring and loving... But no one knows that i'm truely depressed inside...
Personally i want to run away from home and then just run into a feild of grass while it rains and just cry for hours and curl up and go to sleep while the rain hails on me... I honestly don't care half the time if i catch a nasty illness like AIDS or the Swine Flu or Cancer.
Please help me? =(. And no i will not talk to my mum about it or to a counciler. I just want someone to talk to about all this i guess? ='(.
I don't know... I'm so tired right now... I'm starving... I feel sick... I'm crying... I can't even walk around without feeling like i'm about to faint. I know there are people out there that have 100% worse then me... But i still need answers and that is why i'm writing this... Please answer everI want to be cared for (Amnesia, Depression)?
Please contact me. I read every word. You sound so sad. I wamt to help.I want to be cared for (Amnesia, Depression)?
And yet you never reply to my messages v_v
Please, someone speak to me =/.
Doag4_pivot@hotmail.com
i'm on msn alot...
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